Let's start off by saying that I have some of the greatest friends in the world. If you would like the short background story of why this blog started, please see, my lovely firecracker of a best girlfriend, Fine Little Mess's blog.
Break-ups are the pits, no way around it. Needless to say I was and still am devastated, but there really is nothing to do about it now other than move on, lean on my friends for support and give anyone who may read this a little laugh and entertainment regarding the road I am embarking on now.
Just saying the word "dating," sort of gives me the chills. I won't lie when I say that I am a little scared, a little excited and a little bashful about sharing what I will be doing. From here forward I will try anything that people suggest (within reason). I will try online dating, allow myself to be set up, will attempt to say hello to people in the produce section, will look up from my phone rather than text when I am out and about and will keep my eyes and heart open.
It really is crazy when you google "broken heart." There are so many websites where people will charge you money to teach you how to get your ex back or how to act in order to find love. I just got a good laugh and am happy to let you know that I am not to that point and hope never to be there. Fortunately, I still feel that I am a good catch, but think I have just been swimming in some dirty pools lately.
The hurt that came to me from the Fireman, as I lovingly referred to him when we first hooked up, is still present. Eventually the wound will heal and the words will pour out easier. I mean it has only been a couple of days and as I type this, he is most likely out with or inside of Annie, the girl he flew to town who he had been cheating on me with for probably most of our "relationship."
To say that I feel weakened by his actions is an understatement. The raw empty feelings that have overcome me are those that only can come from heartbreak and betrayal. He had become a part of my life and a part of my heart and he knowingly threw all of that, and me, in the trash. There is a ping pong match of emotions racing through me. One minute I wonder if there could ever be a way to repair our broken relationship and just go back to an imaginary closeness that I somehow still picture in my head. The next minute I hate him. The next minute I am angry with myself for considering it and sick over the fact that I can be hurt by someone. The next minute I can't wait to meet someone new. Then I get scared that I will have to go through this again and have all the awkwardness of bad dates. Then I say screw it - let's start a blog and figure it out as I go.
Most importantly this will be about me finding happiness in life with or without a man.
Day one - It is a beautiful day. I spent the morning out walking around the neighborhood with someone I dated a while back, The Dentist, who I was with prior to the Fireman and who I have a very healthy friendship with (we will not be getting into another relationship). The weather is beautiful. It was lovely to enjoy the day, though it was terrifying to think that I could so easily run into the Fireman and Annie since he lives in my same neighborhood. Later tonight I will be bowling with my team (on a fun league of like-minded 20 and 30 somethings who can still stay up late and drink on a Sunday night every few weeks), we will now be one member short, thanks to the Fireman. It's a fun league and a good time and I honestly don't think that anyone will miss him there, hopefully I won't miss him too much either. Before that I will be going to an Orlando Magic game with the greatest date in the world, my Dad.
So cheers to day one.
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